Recently, I had a big argument with one of my friends. A few months ago, he was going to apply only to the top universities of our country, and I advised him not to put all his eggs in the same basket. I figured it to be sound advice, but he, for one reason or another, chose to disregard it. Fast forward to the present, and he didn’t make it to any of them, even though he was qualified enough. That happens sometimes; Lady Luck fails to smile on us. I went to console him and to be there for him as any true friend should. 

That’s when he started berating me. He accused me of not helping him, not forcing him to apply to any backup universities. “You failed me,” He said. I also said some very unsavoury things in the heat of the moment, which I am certainly not proud of, but now, thinking rationally, I think his mentality makes sense. I don’t think it’s correct, but it's easy to see why he’d think that way. First of all, it is human nature to try to blame others for your lack of insight. That’s a given. I’ve done it plenty of times because, to be honest, it’s really difficult to hold yourself accountable.

But that’s not what I’m talking about.

What I’m talking about is the notion that your friends are responsible for leading you in the right direction. I think this is because of unrealistic representation in media and entertainment—friends being depicted as sort of saviors of the main character. Their only goal in life is to help the protagonist fulfill his own goals. This sort of false representation of friendship translates to people’s real representation of friendship, and that’s why my friend and other people like him are so dependent on their friends, even when they shouldn’t be.

Well, I’m here to tell you that’s not how life works. We all have our own goals to focus on and strive towards, and we are all the main characters of our own lives. Of course, this doesn’t mean friends can’t help each other out from time to time. But it becomes problematic when that support turns into enabling behavior, or, in my case, when unrealistic expectations and blame-shifting start to set in, making things unhealthy.

Friends aren’t meant to be formal mentors, and placing that expectation on the relationship can change its nature. This relationship is one that keeps you emotionally stable, one that gives you a bit of laughter in all this sadness and chaos. Yes, a friend should give you advice and be there to support you, but that’s it; they can’t force you to do something, and you shouldn’t expect them to. 

Instead, it is just an excuse to not take responsibility for your own work, and that is actually a detrimental mentality.

When we take complete and utter responsibility for stuff, we come to embrace that no one is coming to save us. It can be a discouraging thought if taken at face value, but move beyond that, and you’ll see that it means that there is no other option than to get your life together. They say fear is the greatest motivator, and I think people need a reasonable amount of fear in their lives to help push them to better themselves. They need to throw out the safety net and come to know that there is a 60-foot drop below, and they have to make it to the other side on their own.