When I switched schools for high school, the sudden change in environment was downright terrifying. The unfamiliar faces and new surroundings made me feel like an outsider.

In situations like this, most of us naturally want to make friends. After all, friends are the people you can share your worries with and feel less alone.

So I started to look for a friend and soon enough, I found the right person, Ali (not his real name). Ali seemed like a perfect guy from afar, he knew how to light up a room and he was really funny. Couple this with being easy to approach and a bit of compassion, he was really the best guy to be friends with. So we started a friendship and soon I made other friends as well and I started to settle in this new school. 

I considered Ali as my best friend but soon he started ditching me and hanging out with some other guys who were the “cool guys” of the school. 

It wasn’t like he stopped being a friend to me but it became clear to me, that while to me, he was my best friend, but to him I was just one of his many friends.

 I regarded him as an extraordinary friend and he regarded me as just an ordinary friend. In this way, I realized that he did not reciprocate my feelings and to preserve my self-respect, I levelled with him and began to regard him like an ordinary friend as well. It is important to note that I didn’t sever the tie with him or start acting rude but instead, I just altered our relationship and to be on equal footing. 

This ended up being the best decision for me because I had been so fixated on Ali and making him my best friend that I became oblivious to the people around me who were far better friends than Ali. This decision allowed me to focus on other friendships which were more healthier and those friendships are still going strong after 3 years. In hindsight, if I had tried to salvage my friendship with Ali then it would have certainly ended sooner or later and if it ended later I would not have improved my other friendships.

This experience made me realize that reciprocation of feelings is the golden rule of every relationship. Ranging from a platonic relationship to a romantic one, they need to be based on almost equal footing. If you are utterly enchanted by a romantic partner but they do not reciprocate to such an intensity then you should preserve your feelings and shouldn't pursue such a futile relationship. Instead, spend your time finding a person who reciprocates your feelings to almost the same intensity.

Now, of course, it isn't so simple to judge the intensity of someone's feelings so we can only go off from a rough estimate. Most of the time you can go with your gut and you won't be led astray. For example, if you end up feeling unwanted after hanging out with them it's probably a good sign you should back off a little bit for your own sake.

Sometimes it's better to sever ties with someone so that you can find the right person who thinks and feels about you the same as you think and feel about them. Life is too short to be fixated on futile relationships which are bound to fail. Spend your time wisely and more importantly, spend it with the right people.