Lawn of Lonesome

This poem describes the silent battle which I fought, the loneliness which engulfed me. I express the need to escape it and long for a normal life.
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Created by Disha Ransingh

Published on Feb 12, 2024
young woman standing under a light post at night
Artem Kovalev on Unsplash

Lawn of Lonesome

It was somewhere when I hadn’t walked the street of spring

A time when my angels turned into a lonely spirit with no wings

So I skimmed and glided alone on an empty broken bridge

Thinking how I was unseen when I was visible like the crest of a mountain ridge

I too saw the lingered lamp-post cast it’s pale light on me

But the shadow made wasn’t mine, but some forlorn dead tree

Always I had known a mother who sang lullabies in the seventh heaven

A father to scare away my fears with his love’s weapon

I too had some millions of so-called bosom friends to crowd me

But as we caressed it’s just skin that touched, never was the heart free

For in my room, I just watched the windows or the crack in the ceiling

And sometimes hugged the cushion or clothes in the closet

as I whispered in the ears of stuffed animals and dolls, some secret

Cause I knew my family and friends just saw the glow of my flame

When the ashes wanted to be touched by their palm for it’s pain

 I know I have always been a longing spiral staircase

All the feet have touched me, but was I ever counted just in case?

I lived and was hung like a vintage lamp in the core of a cottage

my light did reach all, but why was their glimmer of eyes always a haze?

Sometimes under auroras, I tried to sit in the heart of Cloverleaf

Waiting for some crossing car to stop, to see me as they see colours in the sky streak

 Somehow I never wanted anyone to see my teardrops on a desk

Cause if they think I was lonely, then was their love just a wreck?

But then I sensed the darkest chills running down my spine

Cause hugging myself in the mirror wasn’t enough in that reign of time

So I hit every park and parking lot just to talk to strangers

 And let my voice rasp as I waited for my mother to pick up the phone

Just to utter the broken words of how I just want to escape the lawn of lonesome

Fatefully, now that my lonely self has been frozen in my grip

I now hear not just mine but also the love of my loved ones' heartbeats.

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