The older I get, the more I realize that love is not enough. I don’t mean this in a cynical way. Age just brings an understanding that there are many factors that come into a relationship. 

It’s easy to build chemistry. It’s easy to be agreeable. In your life, you’ll find many people that you will connect with in a way that will feel like a soulmate. It’s honestly pretty easy to find someone to laugh with, to try new things with, to want to spend all your time with. When I was younger, I used to think those traits would only come from a single person who is perfect for you. When I was angsty and living in my hometown, I used to dream of finding the one person that would just get me. 

I’m thankful that I found a whole group of them when I got to college. Love takes so many forms. A friend could be just as much of a soulmate as a significant other. This is where the nuance of values comes in.

My parents used to tell me that the most important thing in a relationship was the alignment of values. I didn’t understand how true it was until my peers and I got into our own serious, adult relationships.

Our conversations and concerns now revolve around things that go beyond agreeability or fun. In my teens, relationships were about having a good time with each other. Breakups back then were simple–there was no longer anything to talk about, you realize the other person is worse than the image you built in your head of them, or you just simply get bored. In the present, we know ourselves well enough to pick a partner and agonize over that partner being absolutely perfect, except for the fact that they don’t want to raise their possible kids a certain way or they don’t want to have them at all, except for the fact that they value their career over dedicating more time to their loved ones, except for the fact that they’d want to move out of the country when you’d like nothing more than to spend your life right here. The list goes on.

So as you get older and there are more responsibilities and more possibilities in front of you, love will not be enough. Age and time come with the realization that there are certain ways of living that you are not willing to compromise over–even for someone who seemingly understands you the way no one else would. However, that isn’t a bad thing. I think that you could even turn this takeaway into a positive one, as that means there is someone perfect for you in a way that goes even deeper than initial feelings or sparks. The romantic in me would like to finalize this reflection this way: there are so many people in this world that you will “get along with”. The world is filled with so many wonderful people and you will meet so many opportunities to smile, love, laugh, and live with them. However, to find the “love of your life” or ‘soulmate’ as others put it, there is a special recipe consisting of many things. 

On top of the personality that makes you fall in love, ‘the one’ also includes: values that align with yours, an envisioned future that aligns, habits that co-exist peacefully, and a shared gritty determination to work out problems. All these things mesh together in a beautiful symphony that allows you to spend the rest of your happy lives with this person. I think that’s more beautiful than just love itself.