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Where are all of us more shaped by the past than the future we can only glimpse
My childhood was devoid of “I love you”
My nursery rhymes were the cracks of dishes, the slams of doors, the thundering of feet
Therefore, now I am a turtle.
My apathy is my turtle shell. No emotions means no reactions, means no screams, means peace on earth.
Therefore, I lack passion
My friends don’t call back because in response to their engagements and their promotions all I can muster is a limp, “Congrats”
Apathy was my lifejacket, it’s become my straitjacket
I struggle to leave it behind and bury it, where all the rest of my childhood memories reside
Because apathy was only meant to be put on, never taken off
My childhood is my adulthood
I learned only the mechanisms to make it to tomorrow
Never the mechanisms that would get me to the next year and plan the next decade
I am apathetic
And I can’t muster much sadness for this
All I do is trudge along and watch my friends drift away, while I remain tied in place
I am the lighthouse - welcoming at first sight, but never meant for permanent refuge
My friends, with childhoods that transitioned easily into adulthood, are the ocean -lapping gently against the lighthouse but finding no response, leaving, none the worse for the wear
If I ever muster up enough anger, I’ll take a hammer to the lighthouse, and jump into the ocean
I must break through this apathy