I’ve been dealing with social anxiety ever since I entered high school. I use the word ‘deal’ because that’s all I can do with it: keep it in check. Almost as if it were a raging bull, too dominant to be put down, and could only be appeased and calmed down momentarily. Actually, it is just like that. I don’t think I’ll ever be free of it. It’ll always hang back in the shadows, ready to pounce on me as soon as I let my guard down.

I don’t know where it stemmed from or why it only spread its wings when I entered high school, but I think it has to do with the fact that humans often feel self-conscious when we transition into our teen years.

Still, it doesn’t really matter why it happened. What matters is what I can do to make this manageable. This is a perfect segue to the first thing I do to reduce my anxiety. 

Focus on what you can change and forget about what you can’t

Before, whenever I bombed a test, or even when I felt I’d done well, I still became really anxious about the result. Everyone knows that kind of anxiety, and on an emotional level, it feels completely justified. Over time, I’ve realised that when my thoughts and emotions start clashing, they can create a lot of inner turmoil, including my social anxiety. When I step back and look at things more logically, I can see that worrying about my result won’t change anything because that ship has already sailed, but I can still focus on my next test, which is a ship still docked in the harbor. When I look at it this way, I become more solution‑oriented, and my emotions – and with them, my anxiety – move into the backseat.

Zoom out

I’ve realized one of the worst things that triggers my anxiety is thinking about all the bad stuff that could happen as a result of my actions. Let’s continue the example of the test. Whenever I did a test, my mind would be swamped with things that would happen if I got a bad result. Maybe my parents will be angry with me, maybe they’ll cut my allowance, maybe the school will give me a hearing. Maybe I won’t get into that good of a college. 

Honestly, all of these do seem like pretty big concerns. In the short term, at least. That’s the key, really – when I zoom out, I'm able to realise how insignificant most of these issues actually are. It also helops me see there’s usually more than one path forward, even if things don’t go exactly how I planned. Whenever I start spiralling about the worst‑case scenario, I try to pause and think about what I can still influence.  Maybe if I do well on my next test, I’ll still get into a good college, and maybe my allowance will return to normal. And even if things don’t work out the way I hoped in this one area, it doesn’t mean my whole future is ruined. It's really not that deep. Life almost never goes perfectly for anyone, but people still find ways to move ahead, and so can I. 

The art of distraction

This tip doesn't really work in conjunction with the others because the first and second tips were about logically dismantling our problems that cause anxiety, and now, I am asking you to step away from trying to reason your way out of it. That’s because the truth is, sometimes rationality just doesn’t work. We can’t solve all our inner problems by just rationalizing them. That is just like saying we are to beat our brains with our brains. Think about this for a moment: has it never happened that you know there is no logical reason to be afraid of something, but that damn anxiety still clings to you like a parasite? It sure has happened to me. 

So, what to do about that? Well, if it feels like our brain is working against us, we should preoccupy it so its attention is diverted - of course, in a healthy way that doesn’t turn into avoiding the problem altogether. For example, if I’m worried about the outcome of a result, I don’t remain cooped up thinking about it. No, I do something else, so that my brain doesn’t have the time to cause anxiety. Then, soon enough, the time for the result has come, and the source of my anxiety has ceased to exist. 

These three ways have made a real difference in how I handle my anxiety. I hope you can also implement them in your lives and they can prove to be as helpful for you as they have been for me.

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