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I started going to raves in the underground scene when I was about 17 years old, it was there I found party drugs such as MDMA, Ketamine and Cocaine. I had already tried weed and alcohol when I was 15, without knowing I would become a full-blown addict. 

I've always struggled with my mental health (borderline personality disorder) and I used drugs as a coping mechanism. I got involved with a group of friends who used Ketamine and I started using it too. I fell in love with it as I thought it helped me with my mental health struggles and made me less angry.  

Ketamine use was so normalised within the rave scene. Initially, I started using it on weekends at raves and at parties. Eventually, after 6 months, I was using it every day. Some days I would use up to 5 grams of Ketamine a day.

I was a very sociable, outgoing and enthusiastic girl before I started abusing Ketamine, and very quickly I became a shell of myself. I didn't know who I was anymore. My whole life centered around Ketamine, getting money and using it. 

When I was inhaling the drug, I used to get nosebleeds, cramps and bladder issues. No one ever told me the side effects of using Ketamine and there wasn't much available information around the long-term effects of Ketamine abuse. 

Ketamine destroys the lining of the bladder, and that can have very serious consequences. 

After 3 years of constant abuse, I began experiencing problems with my bladder and other organs such as my gallbladder and stomach. It started with trips to A&E, and being diagnosed with stomach ulcers caused by the Ketamine. The issue with Ketamine being an anaesthetic is that it numbs the pain. And when you're in constant pain you use it to take that pain away even though it's the thing causing the problems in the first place. Therefore causes the addiction cycle to go round and round with almost no getting off point. 

By the time I was 5 years deep into my addiction, I'd lost lots of things. I never went out or partied anymore. I would sit in my room on my own doing Ketamine. I'd lost jobs, crashed my car and been involved in lots of drug-related accidents. Slowly, I was killing myself. I dropped down to a weight of 7 stone and I kept overdosing. 

My parents found me one day and I was rushed into hospital. After I came round, the mental health team refused to deal with me because I was using substances. I was very quickly discharged. I didn't know what to do, I felt helpless. If it wasn't for my parents helping me to get into a detox facility and rehabilitation, I wouldn't be alive today to tell the story. 

I wish I could say that is where the pain ended, but sadly I relapsed after 6 months of recovery. I lived with friends who were in recovery and when I relapsed, and so I was made homeless. I then spent another 12 months using daily and sometimes up to 10 grams of Ketamine a day. My bladder deteriorated even quicker and I began experiencing blood in my urine and lumps of jelly, which I later discovered was my bladder lining. 

During my relapse, I ended up being spiked with Fentanyl, which is a very strong synthetic opioid. I was rushed into hospital, as I suffered pneumonia and almost died. In October 2023, I ended up in A&E five times due to drug-induced accidents. I was seen by the urology team who informed me that if I did not stop using Ketamine immediately, I would need to have my bladder removed and have life-changing surgery.

Unfortunately, it wasn't enough to make me stop for another few months. 

By January 2024, I was made homeless again. Since that day I vowed to myself I would never touch Ketamine again. I was 6 1/2 stone and the drug services said I couldn't go to rehab because of my poor physical health.

I took myself away from the city and detoxed myself whilst staying with a family member. I integrated myself into the recovery community, where I was staying. Slowly but surely I was doing it. Getting clean. 

I began documenting my journey on TikTok and around the same time, I was offered a space in a residential trauma rehabilitation center. I was 8 weeks clean from all drugs and alcohol by the time I was given a date to start. I chose to go and I spent 12 weeks in a women's only therapeutic rehab. 

That place changed my life, changed my perspective, and began to help me gain access to the services for my mental health. My physical health began to get better and my family saw the little girl they once knew coming back. 

I dedicated my time to sharing my journey online to help other struggling Ketamine addicts as I never felt heard or that anyone could relate. Since doing so, I've heard from lots of young women like myself who are now clean from Ketamine and getting their health back. We even created a WhatsApp group chat. 

I live back in the city where I used and I am 8 months clean. Things feel totally different this time. I have permanent damage within my bladder which means I still have to use the toilet more than the average person. But it's far better than it was before. 

I still document my recovery almost every single day to raise awareness, hope and courage for anyone who may find my page. 

Thank you for taking the time to read this.