Puberty is a scary period. We stop asking questions thinking we have all the answers. Yet we question everything and everyone. We sometimes treat our family members like they’re our worst enemies. And no matter how strong and mighty we act, we feel alone and unprotected.
Unfortunately, I made my Mom’s life a living hell during puberty and I still feel a lot of guilt about it. These are the things I wish I could have told my Mom all those years ago. It took me more than a decade, but I can finally talk about my thoughts and fears from the loneliest period of my life, until now at least.

I'm consumed by rage, but I still need your love

I feel angry all the time and I don't know what to do. Please don't be mean to me, I want you to love me. I may scream at you like a raging lunatic, I may lash out at you, I try my best to control it but I can’t stop it. I don’t know why I can’t stop it. When I'm angry, listen to me and show me that you love me even at my worst.

I feel alone. My body is changing, and every emotion is turned up to 11. Hug me and show me that you understand my pain. It's not that I don't love you, it's that I don't even recognize myself anymore. I need your help.

Please don't take it personally, I don't know what's happening to me

I may not hug you like I used to, but don't hate me for it. I don't know what's happening to me. Everything I wanted and knew is changing and I don't know how to handle it. Don't hate me, please. Don't act like you can't accept me. It's still me, your little angel. As much as I seem to have changed, I'm still me, and I love you.

I may not look like your cute little baby boy anymore, but I still love you, Ma. I’m afraid that now that I’m changing, you won't accept me. Please show me you still love me unconditionally. 

Be my parent, even when I can't stand you

I need boundaries. Don't let me do whatever I want, don't let me run loose. I don't know how to handle it. Reign me in; you know both me and the world better than I do. Save me from myself. Don't leave me. I haven't grown up yet.

As teenagers, we want to try everything and absorb as much life as we can. Get new and exciting experiences, and make a lot of friends, but boundaries are more crucial than ever during this time. 

Love me, and don't let me forget it

I might feel embarrassed; I might pretend that I don't care about your love. I act like I've grown up and don't need it anymore, but I need it now more than ever. Don't leave me alone, even when I ask you to. Stand close to me, discreetly, and watch over me. I'll act like I don't see it, but I still need to feel safe. Love me, and don't let me forget it. No matter how much I grow up, I'll always want and need your love.