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I didn't know what was going on with me. Initially, I thought I was just under the weather. Deep down, I knew something wasn't right, but I couldn't put my finger on it. What I didn't know at the time was that I was experiencing a major depressive disorder.

I had never really experienced loneliness, and I had associated it with being by myself. The thing is, I would be in class or hanging out with my friends, and somehow I would feel weirdly disconnected. 

Don't get me wrong, though. I didn't wake up one morning and start feeling like that; it had been building up for quite some time. I had been undergoing a lot of stress. I was working full-time and going to school as well. I was sad and anxious, and I could barely sleep.

 After a few months of feeling like that, I decided to check into psychiatric care, and I was admitted after answering questions like:

• Do you feel bad about yourself?
• Do you have trouble concentrating on things like TV or books?
• Do you get little or no pleasure in doing things?
• Do you think about hurting yourself or feel you would be better off dead?

I answered yes to most of them. I participated in cognitive behavioral group therapy in addition to seeing a psychiatrist and therapist regularly, but I still didn't feel better, and I seemed to be getting even worse.

 As the doses of the various antidepressants I was taking were gradually increased, I continued to sink deeper into depression. I was on the brink of starting electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), but ultimately, I couldn’t go through with it. I was too afraid after seeing to a lot of negative things about it in the media.

Eventually, I finally seemed to be responding to the medication, and the depression loosened its grip. I was healthy for some time. I became interested in my hobbies again, and I even joined the resident campus soccer team. I thought I finally had it behind me, but I suddenly relapsed after a close relative was involved in a fatal car crash.

This tragedy sent me back into the depths. I couldn't go to class or get out of bed. I started noticing a pattern of being at my best for long periods, and then suddenly relapsing after experiencing a tragedy or any emotionally draining event.

A lot of people, like me, are diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. It can be triggered by a traumatic event that brings up memories of similar past experiences. Over the years, I’ve learned to function with it, though even small tasks can feel like a mammoth endeavor.

Depression is highly recurring. More than 50% of people who recover from their first episode will likely experience one or more additional episodes in their lifetime. I am increasingly aware that I am yet to get well. I opened up about my struggles with depression and wrote this piece, hoping that other people who are going through it don't feel so alone. 

I know people who have lived with depression and have recovered. If you are living with it, please do not be afraid to seek help. I'm so glad I did. It’s important for all of us to continue raising awareness and working to end the stigma surrounding mental health.